There are two different routes to caring for others. One is to do so professionally. The other is to choose or be designated by fate or circumstances as a caregiver. Many are both!

Regardless of the path that has led you to caring for others, there are common characteristics that will make you more effective. Some of these are taught in the course of the training of some professionals. Others clearly are not!

Seven Characteristics of Effective Caregivers

1. They Simplify
2. They Set limits
3. They Seek supervision & mentoring
4. They know how to say no and how to quit.
5. They recognize those who are “holders of hope” and those who take it away
6. They Train & Delegate
7. They Validate

1. They Simplify
• Create sacred space -- sanctuary
• Begin each day with time in it.

• Clear an internal space
• Take on an issue
• Get a felt sense of it.
• Imagine what it would be like not to have this issue in your life.
• In taking it back, imagine how it could be different.

2. They Set limits
• They have guidelines, rituals, and rules for how their time is to be spent.
• Avoid 24/7!!!

• There are very few situations in life that must be responded to immediately. There are even fewer that WE must respond to immediately. (Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.)
• Phone message: If this is after hours, call 911, and local crisis center. (Make financial contributions and even volunteer to train and nurture crisis folks.

3. They Seek supervision and mentoring
• Pick the best!!
• Ask them!
• Do it by phone/email if needed.
• Pay for it!
• Tell them what you need.

4. They Know How And When To Say No And To Quit.
• Under what conditions will you not continue to do this work?
• How long is long enough?
• How do you want to be able to say goodbye?

5. They Recognize Those Who Are -- “Holders Of Hope” And Those Who Take It Away.
• They know that the most effective caregiving comes from life experiences. Are they Wounded healers?

• As opposed to heels who are wounded?
  They know when knowledge hurts as well as helps.
  They recognize the limits of problem solving and the importance of validation.

6. They Train And Delegate
• They teach others what they know. For example:

• The nature of grief

• How it differs from depression

• Validation
• Self care
• How to seek your supervision
• Know when they are in over their heads.
• How to set time limits

7. They Form Process Oriented Groups and Validate Them
• Check ins and in depth focusing
They know how to:

Be in the moment

Express Gentle honesty

Witness

Put aside judgment

Believe in the best self

For more in depth coverage of this topic, you may wish to purchase the article: Self Care: Challenges And Rewards For Helping Professionals.